Writing is so much cheaper than therapy, and you can drink while you do it!

Writing is so much cheaper than therapy, and you can drink while you do it!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Hello Monday. I see you survived your weekend. Good for you. 
I'd like to focus on some recent interwebz knuckle-knobbery.  I'm going to leave out names and links and all that stuff (oh my) because it's already been posted elsewhere... I just want to comment on the insanity. I don't have a role in any of this. I haven't been targeted.  I'm just an observer at the side of the road staring at the wreckage of this train derail.

There's a brouhaha brewing at Goodreads. Far more eloquent and erudite folks than I have blogged on the incidents, but this smoking monkey just had to add my two cents.
For those of you who are in the dark, Goodreads is a website dedicated to books and book reviews.
Authors and readers of all stripes gather there and share their mutual love of the written word (both digital and print).  It's a pretty cool site that has been inundated with loopty loops.
Oi. Start up the crazy mobile because some of the folks on the web need a ride.
There have been all encompassing swoops of egos where a certain author took it upon herself to "edit" a steampunk book list and wipe out hundreds of reviews going back years.

From what I understand, her reasoning as the 'self-appointed authority on all things steampunk' was that the authors and books she removed from the list were not accurate representations of steampunk.
Ummmm...she deleted a book by K.W. Jeter who coined the phrase in his 1987 novel Infernal Devices.

This created a whole lot of gnashing and frothing. First of all, she really shouldn't have taken it upon herself to make a sweep of that list. Naughty naughty, bad form. Secondly, she did it because she could. From what I understand it was a case of absolute power that corrupted absolutely.

Now on to the second batch of wackbaggery at Goodreads.  An author over there decided she was going to throw a tantrum about a bad review. She claimed she was being "bullied" by reviewers on the site so in turn began a bullying campaign to right her wrongs, even the playing field, blah, blah, blah and so forth and so on and more douchebaggery prose. She lost her nut and went on a savage campaign against some pretty upstanding and ethical folks who review books at Goodreads.  She created sockpuppets -- no, not cute button-eyed childrens' playthings, but anonymous and fake accounts where she could post vitriol and defense of her own books.

 Oooh, those meanies! How dare they write a detailed and not sunshine-and-puppies-and-rainbows-and-icecream-cones-with-sprinkles review!!! How dare they not blow smoke up my hoo-hoo like friends and family???!!!! How dare they say what they REALLY thought of my books!!!!

She even started a website,  anonymously like a coward, where she posted private information about these reviewers -- their names, addresses, etc. and whatnot. She has since claimed that info was never there...but the beauty of google cache and screenshots removed any doubts. Some of the folks associated with that site even called the targeted people at home AND THREATENED THEM. WTF?   This twatwaffle's story was picked up by HuffPo when she posted an opinion piece on their site.  Oh the drama llama.


As I said before I won't post names or links, but if you are interested in reading the sordid drama first hand just google Goodreads Bullies (but if you go to the evil site you give her power). Read all of the facts. Not just her handpicked snippets which have been quoted and represented as truth by places like HuffPo or her sockpuppeteers.
Absolutewrite.com has quite a bit on the subject right now as does Goodreads.

Personally I find it all rather sad. And I think someone needs a happy pill.  Or perhaps a copy of this:

Here's a good rule of thumb. Don't air your crazy for everyone to see. Don't read your own reviews, and if you do and they are all bad, then take that as a sign and improve your craft. Take the higher road. Sail on. Take some medication. Have a cocktail. But for gods' sakes (yes...I said gods) don't be an asshole. If you rant, I don't listen. If you threaten, I don't listen.  I see through the arm waving and finger pointing trying to distract, and recognize what it is I'm really seeing.

nananananananananaI can't hear younananananana

So, what color is the sky in your world? Is up really down and backwards really forwards where you live? Do you expect a cookie after this tantrum? 
I have two children, and that shite don't fly, no matter how far it's flung, with me. You've outed yourself as an author of books I will never read. 

UH-OH. Did I just make myself a target?  Cackle™

Yup. That's random and about as much as I care. Troubles are like bubbles, and like bubbles they'll float away. Or pop in your eye and burn...or get in your mouth and give you a runn----- sorry. Got lost on a tangent.

Now to interwebs wackjob 3. Again on Goodreads.  Attention whore alert. Attention whore alert...


um, no.

This guy.
Sorry random dude whose pic on the internet I used to make a point.

There's another bundle of jumble over at goodreads who likes "just legal" 18 year old female teen bloggers. Let's take a moment for a collective EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW and a good hand washing. Apparently this was not reciprocated by said "just legal" 18 year old female teen bloggers. The dude is in his 40's, needs some serious tutelage in reading and writing comprehension, and perhaps someone with a sedative to catch him in a happy jacket.  He had a very public meltdown over his book "NOT" being reviewed by a blogger and then went on a rampage, targeting lots of folks who were already being stalked by the bullying "anti-bully" sack of unbalance I mentioned before.

Oh sweet Jayzuss, Susan Powter why aren't you here to stop the madness!!!!

Goodreads needs to do a bit of maintenance.  They say they have 9 million members...whoa...that's a lot of posts to wrangle. But perhaps they need an overhaul in their monitoring department. Seems that lately the lunatics have had the run of the asylum. Goodreads is a great place for book lovers. And apparently also drama llamas.

On a side note, I just learned that term today. I love it!!!!

It must be the end times. The schizos everywhere are on a ramp-up.  Joy. So there it is then.

Here's a picture of me hugging a puupy.


Your turn. I wanna see a bunch of pictures of sockpuppets with funny captions.

Yes. A meme. All we need is memes (wah wah wah wah waaaahhhhh).

And remember this: DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE. I'm going to start a religion with that one and only commandment from on high.

Preach it, monkeh. Don't be an asshole.

ETA: And whatever you do...don't engage the crazies. And if you are crazy...um, take your meds and don't engage in flame wars.  Be sure and print out a copy of that butt hurt form. Keep it in your tin foil-lined backpack, computer bag, lunch sack, whatever, and fill it out when you need it.
See? There ya go. A new book project -- A collection of crayon etched butt hurt forms.

My gift to you.

The world seems to be exploding with crazy lately. My heart goes out to all of the victims and their families of the tragedy in Colorado. I'm so sorry for your pain and terror at the hands of a madman. 
May you all be surrounded and hugged by the people you love.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Well hellloooooo!
I do hope everyone's summer is progressing nicely. I suppose I should have let you all know that I was on hiatus.
Ummmm...I'm on hiatus. Except for right now. But it could continue any moment...the monitor is crackling and I hear snorts and stirring of the wee.
 You see, when school ended, well, so did my writing time. The eldest just turned seven on Friday. Sniffle. The youngest is beginning her transformation into evil incarnate. Ah the joys of parenting! Endless days of makeovers and art projects.
 My new author bio pic. Lovely, eh?

But I wouldn't trade in my sprogglings for anything.
Wait... That's not true.  But it's my secret for what they would be traded.
(Image borrowed from the weird folks at this link)

I have been taking copious notes during my off-blogging hours about all of the random, funny, bizarre, infuriating things that have caught my eye. Unfortunately my darling 2.5 year old found the notebook and it is now festooned with scribbles, juice, and something sticky.  Something very sticky.
Be afraid...be very afraid.

So all I can really tell you about is my obsession with toilet paper. I'm completely OCD about TP. Seriously. Not in the gross usage kind of way (eeew, really? Come on, folks).

It's a discussion that needs to happen. An argument that needs to be settled. 

I'm an over the roll kinda gal. 


 People who put toilet paper on a roll where you have to reach under to pull scraps, that invariably tear and fragment, make me insane. I get righteously frothy.

NO!!!! NO!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

And yes...I will change the roll to the proper pull direction. No. Matter. What.

I was recently in a restaurant and excused myself to the loo. I find it to be a challenge (which I gladly accept) to get the industrial lock open on the dispenser and change the paper direction if I come across an errant roll -- I just need to do it. It keeps the universe spinning. It's my God Particle. 

Is it wrong that I carry a metal pick to open the lock? Probably. Perhaps even a bit crazy. But it's my crazy...so don't judge. 

But back to my story.

So here I am, stall door closed, me jimmying the lock, when the bathroom monitor came in. 
Okay. So she wasn't a "monitor" per se, just the cleaning lady, but she came into the bathroom and heard me futzing with the metal cage of crazy-making in transition.

"Ma'am...can I help you?"

Me: Nope. I'm good.

"Is the roll out? I'm sure it was full an hour ago. I changed it myself."

Me: Ummm. No. Yes. {{{it's free of the oppressive under the roll position!!! Mwahahahaha...}}} I'm fine, thanks. I have a square to spare.

BTW, that Seinfeld episode is pure gold. If you need a refresher: Elaine Benes

But back to the bathroom monitor.
I swear she was trying to peek through the door crack at me.
Then she handed me some paper under the stall door. 

 What's the etiquette there? I mean...do I take it, juggle the now extra roll while I adjust the other rolls to the correct and proper insertion? Do I restate that I'm fine? Oh boy. She can hear me messing with the dispenser...I know she knows that I'm messing with it...is this a test? I took the roll.

"Ma'am, is the dispenser open?"

Me: Um. No.

"If it is then just leave it. I have the key."

Me: Jayzuss, lady! Just go away already!!!!   Okay. Thanks. Buh-bye now.

But she didn't leave. She just retreated to the sinks and waited for me to come out so she could rush in and see what I had done. I tried to wait her out...but damn she was persistent. And my food was getting cold.  Damn it!

I finally came out and she rushed right in. I heard her muttering and then the key being inserted into the dispenser lock. Sure enough...she was switching back the direction of the rolls. I washed my hands and tried to skulk by the stall, but she poked her head out and just frowned at me, the extra roll tucked under her arm.


I know I have a problem. I'm sure there are other under the roll advocates out there trying to undo all of my good work with errant roll direction.  Wouldn't it just be swell if directional advocates (like myself) were treated with the same hospitality and dignity as right vs. left handers? Would it be sooo hard to just mark the stalls for convenience:

We could live peacefully together in this happy world of the right way and the wrong way (and those who want to do things ass backward).

And yes...I even do this at friends' homes. I fix their toilet paper. And now I've just admitted it in public. Heh.

Don't judge me. Embrace the change. Go with the roll. OVER THE ROLL.