Writing is so much cheaper than therapy, and you can drink while you do it!

Writing is so much cheaper than therapy, and you can drink while you do it!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My living guy spirit guide is back!!!! Oh how I've missed you ED ASNER!

I have a weird connection with Ed Asner.
I adore him. I really do. Everything about him: hirsute glory, dry-wit, gravelly voice, aged perfection....

I've never met the man, but a few years ago he started visiting me in my dreams.

I know that I've blogged about it before.

Mr. Asner always has some bizarre message for me encoded in a surreal Lynchesque dreamscape. Wacky stuff. Sometimes I have absolutely no idea what he's trying to tell me, but I awaken refreshed and somewhat wiser.
Sadly I haven't had any guru visits in a long while.  Bummer. 

Then, about two weeks ago, my darling hubby saw ED ASNER in the airport.

I was stunned. DH did not run up to him for an autograph, get a pic, talk to my spirit guide, nor tell Mr. Asner about me and ask for any bizarre dream elucidation. Nope.
Seriously? Not even a hello?

He did, however, call me to tell me that he saw him. 
That's cool.  DH might have broken the magic if he talked to Mr. Asner. Or....had a 5150 hold issued for me from Ed's people. Cackle™ heh. ha. Um...sigh.

Guess what????

That encounter sparked another Guru dream! Yay.

It's a weird one.

I was in Walgreen's shopping for latex gloves to wear for protection against Ebola.  Everyone around me had face masks and body suits on; it was nuts. 
We had to pass through this scanner to get into the store -- if you were clear it played Milli Vanilli's Blame It on the Rain over the store's speakers. If you were infected a trap door opened up underneath and you dropped into this super big, industrial Food Saver vacuum seal thingy. Oh...and the music was Wait by White Lion.
(I don't know why...my brain is a scary place).

Anyway, I made it through just fine, humming along with Milli Vanilli as I wandered the aisles. The further into the store I went the louder the muzak got -- Pointer Sisters (that link takes you to Pointer Sisters Live 1975).

I'm looking for fingerless rubber gloves so I can still smoke outside and use a laptop during the plague apocalypse.
Fingerless gloves.  Fingerless rubber gloves. Fingerless.
Lo and behold I find a box of them.
There's a tap on my shoulder and I turn to see Ed Asner standing there in a wife beater tank top and bermuda shorts.
He's wearing a tie with little monkeys all over it.  The hair on the sides of his head is dyed in a leopard skin pattern and the hair on his chest and shoulders is dyed neon yellow.
(WTF, Mate?)
Ed says, "Why are you even bothering?" as he hands me a bottle of Jean Nate.

"Pour this in a circle around your desk. Ebola don't like lemons none."
I just sort of stand there, not quite sure what to do.
Ed slaps the box of gloves out of my hand and points at the reading glasses.
"Get a pair of those. Ebola hates hipsters, too. Pretentious douchebags."
I hand him a gumball (I don't know why).
He high fives me and hops on to one of those mobile scooter cart things, pops a wheelie, and starts singing opera at the top of his lungs as he tears down the aisle and crashes through the front door glass. 


I have no idea what he was trying to tell me.
The takeaway? Hipsters are kind of dinkbubbles. Ebola scares the crap out of me but if I smell like the 70's/80's I'll be fine.  I'll just need to adjust the 8-track soundtrack in my head accordingly.

Oh...by the way...

MOSTLY DEAD MELVIN comes out on 10/31/2014. 

Paperback and ebook. 
I has done promo now. Yeehaw!!!!!!!

Available everywhere except Mars. 
Pre-order ebook here and here

Print copy available in most book shops after Halloween.

-- Foinah

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hi. I do not eat compressed meat products in aspic and I do not like wiping the salty pork product from the blog. In other words...ixnay on the amspay.