Last year I went a bit insane. Just temporarily. Sort of. No, really. But it wasn't my fault!

I was driven mad by an evil genius. A winged evil genius. EVIL!!!!! And it's happening again.

Gee...isn't it cute?

NO!

THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! (link to artist)
It's not Woody, and maybe it's not even a winged demon/evil genius, but that tormenting Pilleated Bird brain Woodpecker is excellent at the full on crazy making mojo! {{{And he's hell on me grammar!}}}

Every morning at 6:30 AM I am awakened by BRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP! on my roof, my chimney, my walls... Oh dear Goddess make it stop!! And then it sits up there laughing its little woodpecker laugh -- chuckchuckchuckchuckle -- until I throw stones at the roof and it flies away.
I nailed it once with a stone. Teehee. It was back ten minutes later with a vengeance.

The hubby put the grand kaibosh on me on the roof in a ghillie suit made of roofing tiles and armed with a laser sight rifle.

He also poo-pooed my c-4 idea. Sigh.
Oh, and it's apparently illegal. Meh. Whatever.
Uh-oh. The twitching is starting just thinking about him.
Usually I can get behind the Federal Migratory Bird Act. But not now. Oh no. This woodpecker must go down in flames.  Out of spite, the fecker would probably land on my roof and burn the monkey house down...  Maybe I'll install a water cannon on the roof.
I'm not going to kill it. Nope. But it won't ever come back to the Keep after I get done.   
Mwahahahahahaha...ack, cough, meh.
Sigh. Now I know how Poe felt. Tap. Tap, tap, tap, BRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPPP.
But I'll get you, my pretty. Oh yes, yes I will...